I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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