We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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