she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
