apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
