I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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