erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
