Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
