I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
