I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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