Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
