I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
