Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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