38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
