I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
