you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
