I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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