his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
