please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
