We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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