You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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