He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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