I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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