im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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