i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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