I wish my penis had an off switch
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
