She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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