so explain again why im purple
no
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
