my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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