i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
