my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
