i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
