Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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