they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
