Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Panties = found
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
