i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
