Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
