I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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