If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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