you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
