If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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