Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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