My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
