We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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