No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
