Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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