Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
