Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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