Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
