No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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