the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
