i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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