He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
